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- The Gift of Appreciative Listening
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The Gift of Appreciative Listening
by Bill Snyder (Media Director)
This past week I attended an Interfaith Dialogue Dinner at my parish in Milwaukee. This dinner, I learned, was held monthly at different sites around the greater Milwaukee metro area and sponsored by the Interfaith Conference of Milwaukee. It’s an organization with the mission of building relationships among people of faith to promote greater understanding, dignity, and respect, and to advocate for the inclusion and acceptance of all (mission statement from interfaithconference.org).
The evening was transformative for me. I was seated with people I had never met and all were of varying faith traditions. Half of them at our table were not Christian but Buddhist and Native American Spiritualists. The only thing we all had in common was that we believed in a higher power.
Some of you might be wondering, “Why would he even go to such a dinner? Isn’t he Catholic?” Let me assure you that I believe and profess that the Catholic Church is the one and only true Church and that Jesus is THE way, THE truth, and THE life – there is no other way to salvation except through Him.
So then why would I participate in such an event if I wasn’t searching and didn’t go with the intent to convert non-believers? Simply, I had a desire to grow in knowledge and understanding of how different people seek God and why and how they do so. However, I gained so much more than just knowledge and understanding. I was gifted by God with a new skill, “Appreciative Listening.”
As we ate a simple dinner, the program coordinator and moderators explained how the after-dinner table “conversations” would unfold. Each moderator had a pack of cards with different questions on them. We would each take turns picking a a card, read it out loud to the group then answer the question. No one else was allowed to speak while we were talking, ask us follow-up questions, or even say “I agree or disagree with you” – they only could listen.
When we were finished, the next person would simply take a card and answer a completely different question. As the moderator explained “appreciative listening,” he mentioned that it helps you not self-censor what you are going to say, and you represent your beliefs with greater clarity and authenticity.
As a person involved in ministry, I’ve been to a lot of different workshops, seminars, retreats, and days of reflection; I’ve never before encountered an approach to learning and growing in faith like this method, but by far it was the most effective.
Unencumbered by fear or worry about how one might respond to what I had to say, I spoke with greater confidence and boldness about my Catholic beliefs. Also, because I wasn’t worried about formulating a response, I was able to attentively listen and grow in knowledge and understanding, not only about a different belief system, but I was able to appreciate the life experience of the person sharing their faith. The God-given dignity of each person was illuminated in a way I’ve never experienced in my life.
I’ve been pondering this effective method of “appreciative listening” for several days since the dinner and often thought: What if I employed this more in my daily life? How much more effective could I be at communicating my beliefs if I wasn’t worried about the response or responding? How much more could I grow in understanding and form deep bonds of friendship?
So I’d like to challenge you for the remainder of this Lenten season to practice “appreciative listening.” I know the structure of having a guided “conversation” with pre-made notecards and a skilled moderator is probably not possible. However, you can attempt to speak with boldness and share your beliefs if you aren’t worried about how the person might respond.
Ask yourself, what is your greatest fear about a bad reaction to witnessing the truth of the Gospel? Are you willing to suffer that worst-case scenario so the truth of the Gospel can be sown into the other person’s heart?
On the other side, if someone is sharing something with you that challenges your beliefs, is difficult to hear, or is extremely personal, take a moment and ask yourself: Does this require a response? If so, does it need to be now or can I take time to evaluate what I’ve heard and give a meaningful response at a later time?
I believe that if we could all put just a little bit of “appreciative listening” into our daily faith journey we might make the world a better place.
Come Holy Spirit!
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Jesus invites you to give him your crosses
Do you need healing from the sufferings you’ve endured? What crosses are you carrying? What burdens are weighing you down? This Lent, I want to empower you to discover a new, deeper intimacy with Jesus, because I know he wants to help you carry your crosses. More than that, Jesus wants to turn them into resurrections — some sort of new life is unfolding for you!
In How to Turn Your Crosses Into Resurrections, you will not only feel Jesus ministering to you. You will learn how to turn tragedies into triumphs, grief into joy, and the deaths of your hopes and dreams into resurrections. This is a personal retreat you can go to without leaving home. The 11 sessions have short videos in which I share what I’ve learned in my own sufferings. To deepen your healing experience, this retreat includes prayer meditations and music.
Give it a try. Watch the introduction:
God bless you!
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Thank you for reading this newsletter.
Your servant in Christ,
Terry Modica, Author, Speaker, Podcaster,
Executive Director, Good News Ministries
gnm.org
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How to Win Victories in Spiritual Warfare
Knowing God’s Will and Doing it Well
Lessons from the Blessed Mother
Daily Prayers with the Saints